12th
This is a long one
I haven’t posted in ages (and its almost entirely the fault of WoW) so to make up for it a little here is the short script I wrote with my brother a few years ago. Enjoy! Ignore the odd editing its copy/pasted directly from an open office doc and I still do not grok their shit and its formatted for actual script style which surprisingly enough looks far better on a couple printed pages then on a website. Go figure.
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CUSTOMER SERVICE
FADE IN:
SIGN: “All CDs 3 for $30”
INT. ST. LOUIS, MO MALL CD & ACCESORIES STORE DAY
Counter with register near front door - four tables arranged in two rows, running parallel to the counter. “All CDs…” sign in f.g. Several people browse.
JOHN (20, unkempt brown hair, spotty beard, glasses) in work uniform, leans against wall behind counter, reading a book. JANE (21, short pink-highlighted hair) doodles on paper beside him.
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #1 (40, well dressed man, self-important) enters. John looks up, smiles as he walks by.
JOHN
Hello, how are you today?
He ignores John, walks to a table – picks up CD.
John looks over at Jane, she shrugs – he continues reading.
Annoying Customer #1 looks at price, disgusted, puts it down – walks towards exit - stops, turns, walks up to John:
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #1
Hello.
John looks up.
JOHN
Hi, can I help you?
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #1
I just wanted to get properly greeted before I left.
CLOSE: John and Annoying Customer #1: John forces a smile, reaches across counter, grabs him by the collar, face-to-face. Scissors in hand - John stabs him in the eye down to the handle. Flips his head down onto the counter, with both hands twists scissors, spreads handles open. Blood streams down customer’s face - pools onto counter.
He pulls body over counter, onto the floor.
He rips scissors out – EXAMINES them, eye/brain chunks drip… SLOW MOTION: one-by-one… - he drops scissors. SILENCE.
Metallic THUD.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
John LOOKS down at clean scissors on counter.
PULL BACK:
Methodically, he resumes reading his book – Jane still doodling.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
INT. MALL CD & ACCESSORIES STORE FIVE DAYS LATER
CLOSE: Hand holding box cutter pierces edge of box, slices lengthwise.
PULL BACK: John slices other edge and middle of box. He LOOKS at Jane lounging against counter painting fingernails.
Customers browse, including same Annoying Customer #1.
John pulls out CDs, stacks them.
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #2 (38, woman, trailer trash, XXXL body squeezed in medium t-shirt) enters, slurping “Super Size” chocolate milkshake, walks up to opened box, throws bag with CD on it, stares cold at John.
John LOOKS at her, then at Jane who ignores him - stands up, smiles:
JOHN
Hello, can I help you?
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #2
Yeah. I bought this CD here yesterday, it don’t work. I put it in the player and it makes a high pitched noise.
JOHN
You mean like a “whine”?
Jane looks over at John, conceals laughter.
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #2
Yeah… a noise. It’s broken and I want a new one.
JOHN
Ok, may I see the CD?
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #2
What do you need to see it for? I’m telling you, it’s broke.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
JOHN
Your CD has a problem, and I just need to know if it’s something we can fix or if we need to replace it.
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #2
Fine.
(She shoves bag to him.)
Here.
He removes CD “Abba’s Greatest Hits” from bag.
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #2 (cont’d)
What ever happened to “the customer is always right”?
John “smiles”, opens CD case. SLURP. His EYES lock on her lips – SLURP – milkshake dribbles onto enormous breasts. He FOLLOWS drips, down her shirt. BEAT. He LOOKS at underside of disk – clearly marked chocolate milkshake fingerprints cover CD.
JOHN
Ma’am. Are you aware that you have what appears to be chocolate milkshake on the bottom of this CD?
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #2
Why? What’s that matter?
JOHN
Ma’am, this likely only needs to be cleaned.
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #2
The CD is broke and I want a new one.
CLOSE: She SLURPS, John forces a smile – box cutter slices throat from ear-to-ear, milkshake and blood ooze out. He slices her across from shoulder-to-shoulder – then down her neck – pulls back skin opens her neck like a “box”. He pulls out her larynx, places it in her bag.
JOHN
That should take care of the high-pitched whine.
Body drops to floor.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
INT. MALL CD & ACCESSORIES STORE THREE DAYS LATER
John sits on counter reading magazine.
Jane talks to ANNOYING CUSTOMER #3 (62, male, gray hair, crotchety) standing in front of “All CDs…” sign. He holds portable CD player, headphones, and CD in his arms.
Jane points to sign, tries unsuccessfully to EXPLAIN it – points to each of his three items, then back at sign.
Annoying Customer #1 enters, passes Annoying Customer #2 and other customers browsing.
Jane takes a deep breath, walks away from Annoying Customer #3, walks up to John:
JANE
Hey, I can’t deal with that guy anymore… you take care of him.
JOHN
Fine.
John walks up to Annoying Customer #3.
JOHN (cont’d)
Hello, sir, can I help you with something?
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #3
Yeah. These are three for thirty dollars, right? This sign clearly says three for thirty dollars.
Customer #3 and John LOOK at “All CDs…” sign.
JOHN
Actually, sir, that sale only applies to CDs.
(beat)
We’re having a special sale through the end of the month on our entire CD collection. So it’s three CDs for thirty dollars. Can I help you find another two CDs you’d be interested in getting today.
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #3
I don’t want more CDs, I want these three items for thirty dollars, like the sign says.
JOHN
I’m sorry sir, but the deal only
applies to our CDs.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #3
That’s false advertising. I demand you give me these three items for thirty dollars.
JOHN
I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t do that. If you’d like to find two more CDs you can take part in the “three for thirty dollars” deal.
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #3
Fine.
He slams items on table, several CDs fall to the floor.
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #3 (cont’d)
I hope you’re happy. You’ve just lost a paying customer.
John rolls his eyes.
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #3 (cont’d)
Are you rolling your eyes? How dare you, how dare you treat me like this. I’ll be calling your manager. So help me, you’ll be fired and on the street by closing time. You have no right to treat customers like this!
John forces a smile, pulls out Leatherman knife, flicks open blade.
He stabs Annoying Customer #3 in upper-right chest – upper-left chest – sternum, makes “two eyes and a nose” - slices across belly completing a “smiley face”.
Annoying Customer #3 crumbles, guts spill on floor.
Jane screams in horror.
Customers flee the store.
John turns to Jane… smiles:
JOHN
Another satisfied customer.
CLOSE: John, smiling, looks around, SEES Jane frozen in horror, FOLLOWS her gaze to tip of knife blade:
FOLLOW one drop of blood SLOWLY dripping down into pool of blood:
FOLLOW pool of blood to crumpled dead body of Annoying Customer #3
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
CLOSE ON: Annoying Customer #3’s head: John drops to his knees, sobs.
SOBS become soft LAUGHTER.
ANOTHER ANGLE:
Two nervous SECURITY GUARDS (both middle-aged) rush into store, guns drawn.
SECURITY GUARD #1
Put the weapon down and turn around.
John laughs maniacally, LOOKS up at guards – from this point all is muted from John’s P.O.V.
SECURITY GUARD #2
Sir, put-the-weap-on-down.
John, holding knife, flings arms outward, looks upward, smiles.
Two SHOTS! John goes limp, drops knife, SLOW MO:
Knife sticks into ground. John’s body crumples behind it – smile frozen on dead face.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
INT. MALL CD & ACCESSORIES STORE TWO MONTHS LATER
Jane leans against counter, spinning opened Leatherman knife on countertop.
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #4 (49, female, well-dressed, self-important) enters holding bag with CD, walks up to Jane.
Jane looks up at her, smiles, continues idly spinning knife.
JANE
Hello, can I help you with something?
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #4
I want to return this CD. It won’t play.
JANE
Ok, let me get you another copy.
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #4
I don’t like it, just give me my
money back.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
JANE
Ma’am, which one is it, it won’t play or you don’t like it?
ANNOYING CUSTOMER #4
What does it matter? I have a problem and you need to take care of it.
Knife stops spinning, blade points directly at woman – Jane smiles:
JANE
I’d be happy to take care of your problem.
Annoying Customer #4 smiles.
CLOSE: Knife point GLISTENS. Hand reaches out, picks up knife…
SMASH CUT TO BLACK.
